Cops say a 5’5″, 130-pound 25-year-old grocery clerk planned a Hollywood-style assault on the White House to kill high profile targets including President Biden, Anthony Fauci and Mark Zuckerberg…all to be carried out in a single daring mission. He had reportedly, compiled his target list from TikTok videos.
However, the brilliant planner and logistician, Kuachua Brillion Xiong, didn’t manage to make it east of the Mississippi river after driving for five days from California before Johnny Law pulled him over for driving “aggressively.”
It seems Mr. Xiong told cops that he had planned to exploit a “weakness” he found in the White House’s extensive security blanket that protects the commander-in-chief during his afternoon naps and other important activities. In order to carry out his deadly mission, Xiong brought a rifle, magazines, ammo, some body armor, and a medical kit or two.
Perhaps Xiong thought he — all on his own — was going to carry out an assault an even more spectacular than the elaborate assault dreamed up by the wizards of wonder in Hollywood.
No word yet on why Mr. X thought Meta jefe Mark Zuckerberg might be hanging out at the White House too, especially when he’d just dropped more Zuckerbucks to add another 110 acres to his Bond villain lair under a volcano in Hawaii.
Mr. Xiong now awaits at court date while cooling his jets at the Pottawattamie County jail in Council Bluffs, Iowa.
NBC News has the bizarre story.
A heavily armed California man was arrested in Iowa after he told law enforcement officers that he would “do whatever it takes” to kill government leaders on his “hit list,” including President Joe Biden and his chief medical adviser, Dr. Anthony Fauci, authorities said in court papers Wednesday.
The man, Kuachua Brillion Xiong, 25, has been held in the Pottawattamie County Jail in Council Bluffs since Thursday, according to sheriff’s records.
Xiong was pulled over Dec. 21 in Cass County and found to have an AR-15 rifle, ammunition, loaded magazines, body armor and medical kits, Secret Service Agent Justin Larson wrote in a criminal complaint…
Xiong, identified as a grocery store employee from Merced, showed investigators a drawing of the White House grounds, “including a perceived ‘weak spot’ he identified during his pre-attack research,” Larson wrote.
“He added that if released from custody, he would immediately resume traveling to the White House … and ‘do whatever it takes’ to complete his plan,” the complaint said.
Sometimes even the Babylon Bee‘s best work can’t keep up with real life.